At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I touched a dick in church today
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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