she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
