my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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