my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
