marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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