I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How external is "for external use only"?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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