I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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