I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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