I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
