Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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