Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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