So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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