Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
