Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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