I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My ass is underappreciated
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
