There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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