I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
