Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
