The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
