I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
