Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
