I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
