Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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