Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
