Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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