come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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