No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
