well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
