Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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