Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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