Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am spending my child support on dildos
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
