they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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