: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
