Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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