Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
