I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
