I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
