Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
