I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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