I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
