they need to just BURY HIM!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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