he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
