I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
