Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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