im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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