All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
