i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
