upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Vodka?
Forever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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