There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
