well I can't set my house on fire every night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
