Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
