it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
